Have you seen my voice?

  I was literally banging my head on my keyboard, and I've got a couple crooked keys to prove it.  My latest column was due.  To me, it was an 800 word count of complete horse shit.  And to top it off, I had no idea how to conclude it.  So, I called a writer friend of mine to help me.  He declined, probably for my benefit because I need to start solving my own problems without the aid of my friends.

  However, he agreed to read it and told me it was good, but I needed to find my voice.  I didn't know I lost it.  It should be so simple as when you put the pen to paper, your inner feelings spill out through your fingers and onto the page.  Well, it's not.  Before I began writing for Chicago-Pipeline this summer, I had writer's block for two and a half years.  Now that I'm trying to overcome it for the sake of my column, a bunch of different feelings are rising in me.

  Anxiety and self consciousness are my biggest burdens.  The moment anything of mine gets published, I bite my thumbs as a nervous habit, hoping it gets good feedback and isn't complete shit.  I shouldn't rely so much on acceptance of my peers, but I feel as if feedback is so important if you're trying to make a career out of writing.  Are my sentences running on a bit?  What words are repetitive?

  But my editor says I write how I talk, and its a good thing.  Maybe she's right.  Then again, I was told I still needed to find my voice.  I swear, if I could overcome all my worries, everything I write would be more natural.  I really want to be good enough and confident enough to just let my words flow onto the paper without hesitation.  I could hit "submit for review" without practically biting my thumbs off.   Hopefully this is something that comes with practice and time and that I can can speak, freely, unafraid.

  This whole time I've been writing this, I've been picking at the 9 key, trying to make it not be so crooked.  And backspacing to get rid of all the 9's I've accidentally typed.