Between the two worlds

  Where does anyone belong?  I don't think I was ever meant to belong in one specific place.  Life would be a thousand times more peachy if I lived closer to both jobs.  Both in Wicker Park, forty minutes driving and a  nightmare to find parking.  I have literally screamed, sweat my ass off, and cried over not being able to paralleled into a spot.  Its pathetic, really.  How something I take for granted in the suburbs because its so attainable could reduce me to tears in Chicago.

  I wish I lived among the grim and glory of those busy streets.  Living atop the hustle, bustle, and erratic flow of the city.  Being independent and establishing a new sense of self because of it.  I've never seen anything as wonderful as Chicago, except maybe the ocean.  But the sea doesn't have two dollar tall boys and falafel.  When I'm sitting outside my thrift store or trend watching over coffee for the newsletter, I feel like I'm a part of this crazy, beautiful city.  I'm sort of not, though.

  And this is because I still live in Berwyn.  I hate many things about Berwyn.  It sometimes smells god awful.  There's becoming less of a border between Berwyn and Cicero, almost as if Cicero is meshing its grim and corruption more and more with Berwyn by the day.  I hate when my mom reminds me its not safe to walk the streets at night.  Which I get the city is no different, but this is my home.  I grew up here and as I got older, it lost its town-y charm and became less safe.  Heartbreaking.

  But this is also where my roots have been planted for the past seventeen years.  This is where I grew from a child with a huge imagination, to a teenage with no respect for rules or boundaries, to a young adult with a hazy, yet optimistic view of the future.  My friends, the food, the local bars, the places I've had my firsts and lasts at.  Its for surely a love/hate kind of thing.  Where you love something so truely, madly, deeply, then hate every bit of its being the next day.

  I'd love to live in both.  When I'm not working, I could escape to Berwyn for a few beers at Cigars, movies with Larry, and just the sheer relaxation I get from time to time of being "home".  Then back out to Chicago for the craziness that is my daily routine.  Run around the store like a mad man, interview a local on my break, and collapse into a blue line seat at the end of the day.

  Does this mean I have multiple personalities or that I'm in love with two places, impossible to choose between both?  No matter the case, I want to find a way to have both my worlds.  Keep my friends.  Make new ones.  Learn new ways of public transit around the city.  Drive my car to get my hometown's best italian ice.

  I want to be married to Berwyn and have an affair with Chicago, and I want both to know of each other.  I want both to accept that just one town can't satisfy me.  I want to be selfish.