To most, I come off a tad bit cynical. I don't do Valentine's Day really. With all its cheesy teddy bears and Hallmark cards, it makes me absolutely nauseous. Everyone views my opinions as the rantings of a bitter girl scorned, because let's be real with the fact most girls who claim to hate all things lovey-dovey fit that description. Honestly, I can't be scorned because I've never really experienced the whole dating scene. I'm not a completely serial monogamist or eternally single bachelorette, which would both be valid reasons as to me not really dating. The fact of the matter is, in my world, it barely exists.
You're probably scratching your head and saying, "Define what you mean by dating." The relationships I've had have all been with men I went to high school with, worked with, or were part of a mutual group of friends. I've also spent long periods of my adult life being single. So, I've never slipped a guy my number on a box matches or had a moment throwing bread to the same ducks in the park...is that shit even relevant anymore? See, I don't even know! I'm just getting this view of how the dating world works from rom-coms. And when asking a man almost the same age as me about how Nicholas Sparks and Leonardo Di Caprio have molded most women's minds to a specific view on dating and chivalry, I got an amazingly, genuine answer. "Real chivalry, true romance, they're not dead, but they wear the same face they always did, and that face is NOT what Hollywood has drawn it out to be. Romance is never something expected or planned for, it is always spontaneous beauty, not a reenactment of something somebody saw in a movie."
But if its all about spontaneity, wouldn't it just be easier to just stick with what I know rather than explore the world of flirting, wining, and dining? I should also mention that I've barely gone on dates period. Most of the guys I've dated have been content with just hanging out, or vice versa. I pretty much frequent the same bars in my neighborhood, where I know everyone. Plus with the majority of my friends being male, every guy who drunkenly approaches me is automatically a douche (they're right about 90% of the time). I've tried going to bars in the city, but have only met dudes who put more of an effort into getting ready then me. I'm beginning to think to get one of those assholes to talk to you, you need spandex American Apparel leggings, a see through top, and absolutely no self esteem to pair with their over sized ego. Never have I ventured out with the agenda to snag a man. As you can probably tell, I'd have no clue where to look. And now I'm to believe true romance is not to seek, but to let find you.
It's not like I've never been pursued. Most of the strangers who've approached me have just turned out to be very... persistent? With a hint of obnoxious and a dash of desperation. Some to the point of blocking them on all social networking and my cell phone. Or there's the guys with this one-track mind, who when I asked one to be brutally honest about his idea of courting a lady, he said, "Only f***ing one person." No, really, thanks for your honesty, but I'll respectfully decline your "red headed slut" shot and why bother giving you my number? The only time your name will show up on my caller id will be at 2am on a Friday night. My lack of decent suitors lead me to check out other methods of dating...no success there either. I attempted the whole online dating thing. The most I got was a few laughs. I mean, to me, I can't distinguish between if they're fucking around, super desperate, or secretly serial killers. "FeetFetish4Lyfe. Age: 24. Interests: making up new languages, collecting cats, and 'appreciating' a woman's toes." Eww. Guess I was right with my first instinct to steer clear from meeting anyone via the interwebs.
So, I guess what some perceive as cynical is actually a sheer ignorance as to dating, because it seems pretty dead to me. Apparently, I could stick with the familiar, dating men I grew up with and know everything about. Or get used to being single and only getting hit on guys who only wanna get laid. Or...I could get down to the reality of it all. With all my fails, I do believe the act of dating has died, but is it possible it could be revived? This is going to require research. Figure out the labyrinth of the dating scene; how it works, if it works. Start excavating fossils of ancient chivalry or finding the rare species of men and women who believe in it still. For every column I do, I'm going to really dissect the mating ritual, sharing mine and other's successes and tragedies with the opposite (or same) sex. Because we as young adults should all be prepared. Because I believe in honest journalism. And because we need to figure out this happy ending shit out already.
